You can't fight the sore in a gash across your knee from the fall at the park. You can't take a cotton bud and an anti-bacterial solution, dab some of it on ur wound and say you'd like to experience that again and again. You can't, because you're already twenty-one this year.

You can't tell your mom and dad you fell and got injured from a trivial trip over an uneven brick on the jogging pavement, and say "hey parents! I'm hurt! Help me with some medical attention!". You can't amplify a cry and a whine in front of your family and friends, expecting someone to rush to you with utmost concern about your agony. You can't, because you're already twenty-one this year.

You can't go to the mall with your board shorts and slippers with a -tshirt on, limping from step to step, accentuating your heavily-bandaged right knee for your friends to see and pity you with consolation and comfort. You can't keep reigniting tales about your bitter experience for everyone to be wow-ed at and expect a Purple Heart award from them. You can't, because you're already twenty-one.

But what you can do is carry that scar with you, that didn't heal properly because you kept opening the bandage to relive the pain you discovered upon that gracious fall, for no logical reason but because you felt the need to utilize your emotions to their fullest capacities through acting purely based on low self-esteem and self-pity, because you claim to have been brought up the way you are, reserved and shy, quiet and intimidated, seeing derivative joy in sorrowful thought, because you think too much, running all the calculations and analysis up in your head of human behaviour, origins of character.

What you can do, is pour your heart out on to a diary with no literal disclosures because you think retaining figurative meanings and maintaining secrecy makes you seem sophisticated.

What you can do, is finish what you started, to walk, once more, over the uneven brick road to its end because you feel left behind, being the only one who hasn't accomplished a thing in his life, because you also find that these criticisms accelerate the impairment of your esteem, because you may even find fundamental contentment in completing a task with effective success.

What you can do, is anything you want to do.

Because you're still 21.

Labels: rediscovering myself