Dear Diary
on Monday, April 13, 2009
at 12:38 AM Dear diary, I haven't been seeing you for awhile. I know I can't find an excuse to explain my absence. I'm no designer, I'm no photographer. I'm no student accountant, I'm no digital solutions provider. I don't talk to people well, I don't drink much, I don't smoke, nor do I have an astounding physique. Like my friend, Lee Kes Sam.
The only thing I am and I have, is myself, in my quest to find my greater purpose. My supernatural reason for my existence on earth, my churning life. What's after SPM? What's after my professional qualification? What's after my career kickstart? What's after my business? What's after finding the one of my dreams? What's after three kids and a wife? What's after lung cancer? What's after old age? So many fracturing and poisoning questions amazingly flood through your mind, yet they flush out your thought train the moment a distraction mugs your attention away. As for now, I have my usual semesterly nerding to do in preparation for my mocks, intensive revisions and finals. And after that. I truly hope I would have done my best to graduate from this teen life, into my future full of responsibilities, just awaiting me. So farewell, my dear diary. And always remember your the ultimate question throughout your existence... What is after life. Labels: rediscovering myself
How to throw someone into the deep end of the pool
on Sunday, March 29, 2009
at 1:34 AM  21.5" 1920x1080! more space, more fast, more work! In the early years of your life, you think everything runs smoothly, you picture your youth taking flight into a jazz-funk world with confetti and challenges ahead, you aspire to have good working lessons at the office after your interviews, and you see your life run itself like an engine by it's pistons. But that's not half the challenges you will face. Because there is still always, the deep end of the pool. Labels: rediscovering myself
Because
on Friday, March 06, 2009
at 3:55 AM  You can't fight the sore in a gash across your knee from the fall at the park. You can't take a cotton bud and an anti-bacterial solution, dab some of it on ur wound and say you'd like to experience that again and again. You can't, because you're already twenty-one this year. You can't tell your mom and dad you fell and got injured from a trivial trip over an uneven brick on the jogging pavement, and say "hey parents! I'm hurt! Help me with some medical attention!". You can't amplify a cry and a whine in front of your family and friends, expecting someone to rush to you with utmost concern about your agony. You can't, because you're already twenty-one this year. You can't go to the mall with your board shorts and slippers with a -tshirt on, limping from step to step, accentuating your heavily-bandaged right knee for your friends to see and pity you with consolation and comfort. You can't keep reigniting tales about your bitter experience for everyone to be wow-ed at and expect a Purple Heart award from them. You can't, because you're already twenty-one. But what you can do is carry that scar with you, that didn't heal properly because you kept opening the bandage to relive the pain you discovered upon that gracious fall, for no logical reason but because you felt the need to utilize your emotions to their fullest capacities through acting purely based on low self-esteem and self-pity, because you claim to have been brought up the way you are, reserved and shy, quiet and intimidated, seeing derivative joy in sorrowful thought, because you think too much, running all the calculations and analysis up in your head of human behaviour, origins of character. What you can do, is pour your heart out on to a diary with no literal disclosures because you think retaining figurative meanings and maintaining secrecy makes you seem sophisticated. What you can do, is finish what you started, to walk, once more, over the uneven brick road to its end because you feel left behind, being the only one who hasn't accomplished a thing in his life, because you also find that these criticisms accelerate the impairment of your esteem, because you may even find fundamental contentment in completing a task with effective success. What you can do, is anything you want to do. Because you're still 21. Labels: rediscovering myself
Introvert
on Friday, January 09, 2009
at 2:58 AM  You know, there was one night, My brother and I, we had some TTDI Jasima Mee Goreng cravings, so we headed out at about 1am. Driving at night, in the middle of the night, quiet serene starry night... HUNGRYYY NIGHT LAR BASICALLY, I was just looking forward to my lovely steaming Mee Goreng with the yolk oozing out from the Telur Mata, so I was just minding my own business on the wheel, looking out for passing headlights, signalling the indicators quietly...  And every few seconds my brother... okay this is my brother who is your biggest HEROES fan, who knows all about what torrents are the best to download, which torrent sites are most consistent and effective, and within the series, he knows which hero is where at when, what Arthur Petrelli is constantly thinking about, where Hiro puts his glasses when he sleeps, and which episode Mohinder had a slight hair trim and light shave. Yea anyway. So every few seconds, my brother would ask me a some random question or tell me some outrageous fact like that he did with his friends in genting last week, or how his friend increased the range of his car remote control by tens of meters by just touching it onto his cranium. And all I'd do is just nod or say "oh.. hah? really? hmm... nola maybe... then what happened... oh that's good... hah, is it"? And then after about 2 or 3 minutes of non-stop chattering, my brother suddenly took a deep breath and exhaled while looking out the window... I thought to myself that he was probably just enjoying the night scene. We were silent for about half a minute or so.  Suddenly he turned to me and gave a shock "YOU KNOW AR, I FEEL LIKE CUTTING UP YOUR HEAD RIGHT NOW MAN. LIKE SYLAR." I felt quite fractured and surprised, like "WTH?! wuzzrongwiyoo?! WHY ON EARTH?!" "Because I want to know what the hell is going on up in there."  That made me realize that I'm actually a powerfully introverted individual with so much going through my head, but nothing ever coming out. I began to realize that it all amounted to nothing if I kept all my thoughts and analyses to myself, all my perspectives and comments for myself. My dad always called me a man (not a boy, coz now it sounds much more serious) of few words, and I never understood the detriment of it till now. It was time to open up, open up, Nescafe. wtf. IT'S TIME TO SPEAK UP LAR.  Until now, I labelled myself an introvert, like how other people notify me to be, but I've never really been in their shoes to catch a glimpse of my own appearance from their perspective. For a moment there I wanted to cut up my own head to see what my little neurons are doing hahaha. So here's my question for you.   Whatever you've been through, whatever you've absorbed through your experiences in life... whoever you've met, whoever you've had a very close relationship with, whoever had made an impact on your life... All these matters, whether big or small, whether it makes you insecure or not, whether it's a bad memory or a sweet one...  What if someone knew what was going on up in your head? What if someone cut open your head, exposing your brain, and as they study your brain, they excavate your darkest secrets, your crushes, your murders, your lies and deceptions, your emotional and psychological weak spots... What would you do now? Labels: rediscovering myself
Ethical Duties to Your Ex
on Saturday, December 06, 2008
at 2:35 PM Hi.
I'm looking for perspectives. Please post a comment on What ethical duties do you think you owe to your ex-boy/girlfriend(s)? A few examples would be: Not ignoring his/her calls just because you still hate him/her Taking him/her out for dinner because it's courteous to remember his/her birthday Offering him/her a bite at your carbonara as a friend at the dinner party Labels: rediscovering myself
Step back and see your life as a picture
on Wednesday, October 22, 2008
at 10:37 PM
Under the ladder
on Tuesday, November 20, 2007
at 6:27 PM It seemed like forever as I searched high and low for it. I glanced around for anything that could alleviate the panic in my guts, the churning stomach, the unsteady limbs. But all my hope rested in a small aerosol spray can of AmbiPur Green Tea air freshener, for RM6.90 in Guardian. I was thinking, okay this should do it, yes it might work, the trip home would only be half an hour or so. Of recurring decomposition. Damn, I was actually screwed.
Maybe it really was my sneakers. Maybe the stench in the toilet blocked out the smell coming from whatever my shoe caught from the car. Maybe it was me. Time was running out while I had some leisure at the IT section looking at the phone. My classmate called to inform me of a one-hour lunch break, and there I was, not even halfway to solving the problem. I had to look for more mitigation. ● ● ● I quickly decided to look for a new shoe, considering my current one having at least 4 holes on different sides of the shoe. On each shoe. Especially those at my heels, which could have had my socks absorb forms of what I most feared the whole day. It was then only the image of the directory flashing beneath the cortex in my head. Stomping toward the directory panel at the old entrance of Sunway Pyramid, there were crowds and crowds of usual families coming in for their weekend shopping. I couldn't have wanted more to be a Petrelli and fly/teleport/walk through people to get to the directory. And the best part was that I wasted another 3 minutes darting my eyes throughout the 3 giant LCD screens finding everything but what i wanted. The last choice was the concierge. 45 minutes left. ● ● ● Leather shoes. No. Women's heels. Nope. Loafers. Nah. Sneakers. hmm. Sneakers. It turned out that The Shoe Connection has quite a variety of colour and design for the urgent-needy of canvas shoewear. My heart rate relieved to a decent 65 bpm or so after picking a couple of sneakers to try on. This time, I was extra sure that my day would end nice and subtle when I slenderly slid my foot into the perfectly-fitting pair of sneakers. It was more than joy to even see the attractive shoe design accompanied by a complimentary metallic B.U.M key chain attached to the lace rings. It was actually satisfying. Until I took out my wallet. ● ● ● Labels: rediscovering myself
The black cat crossing the road
on Saturday, November 17, 2007
at 11:59 PM Intensive revision classes for Financial Reporting at Sunway ACCA started on Friday, and ends this Tuesday. 9am - 7.30pm everyday. That would be my first unfortunate event. Now let me take you through the whole series.
● ● ● I started off my day(Saturday) at 8.30am inserting the key into the car door lock and unlocking it. As I hooked onto the handle, lifting it up and swinging the door open, the fumes escaped towards me, making me nauseas and wobbly as I inhaled a whole cubic decimeter of it. I quickly remembered that odor that had been there since the car returned from the overhaul repairs a week ago. I raced the car to the nearby gas station to buy an Ambi-Pur as I endured the fumes of what seems to have consisted the smell of an organic creature decomposing. It was one of the days I hoped wouldn't have an impact on me since I was already under long-term stress from intensive revision classes for a month. And I was yet to fetch her in 2 minutes. She who had the cleanliness of a freak, would cast a loud "YUCKKKK!" into the air looking at you drop a sweet onto the seat, picking it up and eating it agian. Just a sweet. a dry, cube of rock-hard Halls or something. For less than 2 seconds. "YUCKK!!" And so I prayed a little for The greater power to render me some confidence over my embarrassment when she got into the car and frowned with the act of choking at the decomposing scent. Well, that wasn't too bad, was it. I just had to try and hold steady for a day, and then pretend that I can't get the car for the next few days so she would have to drive for all of the days. She would want to drive for all of the days anyway. ● ● ● Starting questions in class wasn't much problem. I found myself in escaped relief sitting in a hall with neutral aroma. I even felt a little more prepared for exams as I above-averagely comprehended what the replacement lecturer was ranting about, as I mostly don't. Everything was going as cool and calm as a Halls mint cube. Until the decomposing smell returned. At an early 9.30am of the day , people around me started noticing that there was actually an odor coming from within my proximity. It was unspeakable of what even I myself was going through. Even with the blocked nose, I could feel as if the flies around a dead cat laying right between my legs hover around in a swarm. I couldn't take it anymore and left for the washroom to inspect myself thoroughly. I sniffed both my old, torn sneakers (as I may have suspected that the ultra-high frequent use of it without wash and sun could have been causing me such detrimental embarrassment), and my jeans, trying to trace any spec of bad smell. But there were only the usual odors of teenage guys who perspire quicker than the norm. No dead cat. I returned to my seat where she sat two persons away, and she immediately exclaimed her disfavour towards the returning bad scent, with that exact same honest frown. In a split-second I knew it was time to dispose of this madness somehow. I rushed to my parked car outside college knowing that I would have to skip 2 hours of class, but I had already been induced by the unpleasant feeling of self-consciousness to look for a new pair of shoes or an air freshener at the nearest shopping mall. Being hopeful to return to college and meet up with my friends in time for lunch, I looked forward to a happier-ending day. But this is where the story only begins. ● ● ● Labels: rediscovering myself
Join the Anti-HBB Campaign!
on Tuesday, October 30, 2007
at 12:35 AM I've come up with a small campaign. Hope to get feedback. Maybe even, tell me your personal stories!
 Click here to find out more about HBB. Important notice: some or all of the information above was generated collaboratively by the author and possesses no purpose of intentional offense toward any party. Readers shall view the content at their own risks. Labels: life around me, rediscovering myself
Don't spoil the keyboard, though.
on Saturday, October 20, 2007
at 5:22 PM Kin Meng spared me the chance to experience the most time wasting, nerve-wrecking, dumbest game in the galaxy.
 Don't spoil your keyboard, though. It's just for fun. no intention of provocation and competition. Although I, too, have to boast my 5-second best.  Tell me your records. Enjoy! Labels: rediscovering myself
6 different hairstyles in 1 day
on Monday, October 15, 2007
at 11:11 PM You start off in the morning with a the usual mop on your head...
 When it gets hot and humid at noon, pull it back and rest n' relax.  When your hair gets oily and heavy, go have a shower!  Comb it neatly and make a ju-on out of yourself.  Light and fluffy hair gets into your face when you're studying! so pin the irritating side back. And now you look emo!  And finally, after all the annoying hair is out of control, go to the darn saloon and chop it all off.  And maybe dye it a little. Study time! Labels: rediscovering myself
That's Not Much.
on Sunday, September 09, 2007
at 12:50 AM Was blog hopping and I came across this peculiar thing. It sorta calculates how much your whole body is worth in monetary value.
$5950.00 Mingle2 - Dating Site Damn, I'm so cheap! Labels: rediscovering myself
What if I went to South Park, then.
on Sunday, August 12, 2007
at 8:42 PM A few days ago I visited Sonia's and RVN's collection of South Park friends and woah, I thought they drew it from scratch but apparently it's from an online Avatar editor, but in South Park caricature of course.
 So i decided to join in the fun and make my own! I added a few things on my own though.  This is probably what I look like in college everyday. Labels: rediscovering myself
on Tuesday, November 14, 2006
at 12:37 AM 43, Jalan SS20/26, 13th November 2006 Dear you, (Haha bored of those mundane paragraphs after paragraphs of elaborations. Try new style now. Surat Tak Rasmi!) Was looking through my photos and I came across an important event, so I just wanted to archive it into my diaries. Two Sunday's ago, was grandpa's bday, and as you know, all of us are always forgetful of his age nowayears, but i'll just say he has passed eighty. Praise the Lord! It was a lovely night, Uncle Sonny had invited us to some cool Chinese SuperMudderShaoSheeBuy Expensive restaurant at Equatorial Hotel, KL, for grandpa's birthday celebration. Heck, it was so lovely, we could even request for a band in the room! So here is how it went.  Just came back from kolej sanwei.  Erm... Cousin? singing? erm. the MCA Youth dono what. President.  These guys are frickin good man. Kor kor and I just wanna be like them!  Grandpa and Uncle Sonny.  It's just lovely to know, that the world will show, How blinding the light is, The light of hope, the light of peace.  Hairpee bee dei two u, Hare-p be day too you, Happy bday to yu, HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU LAR!  Mum says Kor kor looks like a President. Good Looking.
 ? IS THAT YOU ?!  yes that's me. =( (oi why so sad) (coz both my brothers have the same hairstyle!) like askar oni. keluar dari mesin. semua sama.  holy crap! all the chiques running this way! (MudderZhiBye jomi you suddenly damn YongSui LaLa Perasan now ar MuggerHigh) (I think now all the girls run away adi, show your true colour)  Well actually, Michelle just wanted me to post something on my new hair. So here it is. The wonders of Kamal's. Nasi Kandar Penang row, opposite Mosin, ttdi. Alaa. I like the first picture la. Dem. I'm self-obsessed now. Like Hwei[dash]Ming. Okayla let's have a gooooooood look at it and sleep. what do you think? Labels: rediscovering myself
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My name is Jon without a H. They call me the boy who's in the wrong academic course - I'm doing ACCA. You'll figure out the rest. I sway in and out of basketball, rock climbing, frisbee and gym-ing as sports, but I always stick to graphic design and photography. My dream is to either start and develop an advertising and design company, or design and implement a revolutionary accounting and control system for a multi-national IT company. Sounds crazy? Watch me! Oh, and I'm a massive Taylor Swift fan.
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2007 - 2009 Jonming.com - This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-Noncommercial-Share Alike 1.0 Generic License
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